Gratitude

“Oh give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among His peoples! Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; Talk of His wondrous works! Glory in His holy name; Let the hearts of those rejoice who see the Lord! Seek the Lord and His strength; See His face evermore! Remember His marvelous works which He has done, His wonders, and the judgements of His mouth.” 1 Chronicles 16: 8-12

Round 2

My outpatient round started with labs to check my levels to see if chemo could even happen on Monday, November 12th.  Following labs was an hour and a half wait to see the doctor who would read the results and check in with me about how I was feeling.  I met with the nurse practitioner for the first time.  She was amazing and so kind.  She reviewed my labs, which were exactly what they were wanting to see.  My mom asked about my cancer markers and if they had dropped.  Those results weren’t back yet.  However, we chatted about a few other questions we had and she made a comment about miracles happening.  I was so excited to have a believer on my team!

It was finally time for the chemo infusion.  I was nervous because these were different medications than my in-patient rounds.  I also had never been to the infusion center and didn’t know what to expect. My nurse was very nice and the infusion went well.  During the treatment, the nurse practitioner came up to the infusion center to give us the lab results from today that included the cancer markers, which had dropped! I was pretty exhausted by the time the infusion was over from the long day of appointments.  The rest of the week, I focused on resting and gaining strength back for the next round which was going to be in-patient.

During the week, God used my devotions, songs, and friends to speak life and hope into my heart.  It never ceases to amaze me that the God of the universe desires a relationship with me and to walk beside me, and carry me, through difficult times.  God has been reminding me to have faith and be still- two things that can be incredibly difficult when you feel like you are walking in the dark and are blindly trusting that your next step will land on solid ground.  However, God can be trusted.  He promises that he will never leave nor forsake you; I’ve clung to that when fear comes rolling in.

Makaila had her last softball game of the season that Friday.  I had prayed that I would feel well enough to sit in the car and watch the game.  Thankfully, I was.  My mama sat with me in the van and we watched the game behind the outfield fence; while my mother-in-law sat behind home plate taking pictures so I would have them to document her last game.  It was so great to watch my girl doing something she loves!  Thank you Lord for that opportunity!

Round 3

In an effort to try to get the in-patient round started earlier than the last time, I had labs drawn on Friday and they put in my orders for a room on Friday as well.  The weekend went by quickly and it was Sunday night before I knew it.  I attended church services remotely- I am so thankful for our church having live streamed services.  I hate that I can’t be there in person, but I am so thankful that I can worship and hear what God has to say through my pastor via live stream.  The entire service was such a blessing to me.

We packed for the hospital and received the call on Monday morning that my room was ready. We arrived and got checked in.  A nurse I had during a previous stay was my nurse for the morning shift.  She  requested the doctor’s orders to get me started.  Our hope and prayer was that we would start much earlier so I could go home on Wednesday and not still be in the hospital on Thanksgiving.  Praise the Lord, we started about 5 hours earlier than last round.  Monday was a long day- thankfully, I am able to walk the floor, wearing an awesome anti-viral mask, while chemo is being administered so I’m not confined to my hospital bed the entire stay.  I love looking out the windows at the river view and seeing God’s creation.  It reminds me of the sparrows and how much more God loves me and is going to take care of me; that my worries need to be given to Him.  Tuesday was equally long and exhausting due to being woken up many times during the previous night.  However, I am thankful for being under the watchful eye of skilled professionals who know what to look for and how to care for those undergoing chemo treatments.

Chemo was finally finished on Tuesday afternoon and then the waiting game started to see how quickly one of the chemo medication’s levels in my blood would fall; they have to be really low for them to allow me to go home.

During this round, my hair started falling out in handfuls.  I was warned that was a side effect and was a reality I would face.  I don’t think there is enough mental preparation that you can do to be prepared for when that happens.  It.is.hard.

The doctor came in this morning and said that my levels, if they continued to trend the way the were going, were looking like I would get to go home today and be home for Thanksgiving.  I was so excited.  I know that our traditions are going to be different this year, but to at least be home was something I prayed hard for!  They ran labs again at noon today and we finally got them back around 2:00 pm that my levels were low enough to go home.  Hallelujah!

Thankful…Grateful…Blessed

When cancer walks into your life, so many things are different, including you.  Things that seemed important no longer are and those that have always been become more so.  Thanksgiving has always been a favorite holiday of mine.  I love looking back over the previous year and giving God the thanks He is due for the blessings He has given us.  I have so many things to be thankful for this year:

• For a relationship with my Heavenly Father and His love for me despite how many times I fail. For the ways He speaks to my heart and makes sure I know He is near.
• That God has given me an incredible husband whom I adore, who is so strong and is my rock.
• That God has given me two beautiful daughters who are healthy, the light of my life and are my entire world.
• For my parents who have walked beside me since birth and haven’t left my side through this journey that we are currently on.  They have provided strength and encouragement consistently and have been to every appointment to make sure we are understanding all the information that is being presented. They have taken the girls to and from school, had them overnight when necessary, and been there for them.
• For my in-laws who have taken my girls to and from school, had them overnight whenever needed, provided fun and stability during a rocky time in their life, and just been there.  To know that they are being taken care of and loved eases a burden and worry off of us- we are thankful for you!
• For my Aunt Jo Ann and cousin Nicole who have taken on getting my girls to and from school everyday.  What a blessing it has been to us!
• For our village of family, friends, work family and church family who have been a constant source of blessing and encouragement to us.  Through text messages, cards, flowers, meals, care packages, goodies, and more, you have blessed us so much through your thoughtfulness and love.  We are overwhelmed by you and are so grateful to have you in our lives.
• For amazing friends who have helped us out in ways that mean so much and have taken burdens off of our plate.
• For going to the ER and not leaving when I wanted to.
• For the doctors that were on duty that night and on call.
• For the team of doctors I have providing my care.
• For the benefit of modern medicine so that I can fight cancer.
• For the miracles God has performed in my life- for having a cancer that isn’t lung cancer; for brain surgery and recovery going well; for my labs and levels being what the doctors want to see.
• For every person that prays for me.  Your prayers on my behalf mean so much to me.  There is such power in prayer- the evidence is being seen in my life and how God is working.  I’ll never be able to thank you enough for taking me to our Heavenly Father and pleading on my behalf.  Please know that I am forever grateful!

I pray that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with your loved ones and that you’ll soak up every minute with them.  We are thankful for you!