Overwhelming Gratefulness
Thursday brought a few challenges. There were no orders for blood work in the system (necessary to be sure I could even do chemo that day). However, my name was called by my favorite phlebotomist; thank you Jesus! She is phenomenal at her job which is crucial when your veins have had it. She remedied the situation (which took some time). I headed upstairs with my mom and Craig to see the nurse practitioner to go over those results before heading further upstairs to my final chemo treatment. The lab results lagged and we had to wait for quite some time. My white blood count was lower than it has been which caused concern and my neutrophil count hadn’t come back during the appointment- if it isn’t a certain number, chemo can’t happen until it recovers. There was talk of having to give me a boost before even doing chemo.
The nurse practitioner left us in the room to consult with the doctor and see if the results would come in during that time. A little while later, she came back and my counts were exactly where they needed to be, any lower and I couldn’t have finished my treatment that day. She wanted to give me a boost after chemo and the doctor agreed to help my white blood count recover because it could bottom out up to two weeks after my last treatment. I have avoided neutropenia thus far and am praying hard that I will continue to avoid it.
My emotions were very close to the surface that day, for obvious reasons. As I waited on the nurse to call my name in the infusion center, I was nervous and a little sick to my stomach. It was my last treatment- something I couldn’t even think that far in advance to weeks and weeks ago. I was getting the PICC line removed- which was making me queasy thinking about- but I was excited to have my arm appendage free. I prayed that my nurse would be kind and would administer everything correctly.
The CNA called my name and took vitals. As we were walking around to my cubicle area, she told me I would have “D” today. My eyes immediately welled up with tears. She was the nurse that I had for my first infusion and as the second nurse during my last infusion. I loved her and she always put me at ease. Thank you Jesus for caring and loving me so much that you see to the smallest of details (although that wasn’t small to me). The last several times I have had out-patient infusions, I was in a private hospital-like room with no view. This last time I was in the big open area with a front-seat view of the river. It was overcast, but what a beautiful sight to look out upon to remind me of God and His creation.
The infusion itself went well. I always feel drained after these, but I had walked in feeling pretty drained so I tried to rest. We played Heads Up again which was a fun distraction. It came time to take the PICC line out. The nurse practitioner had told me that she would come pull it if the nurse didn’t feel comfortable doing it since they are used to mainly dealing with chemo ports. However, “D” had pulled many before and said she would do it. She brings over the supplies and immediately my heart rate increases and my palms start sweating. I know that it can’t be anything like going in, but I wasn’t too keen on having to go through getting it out. She did a fabulous job and I had to stay for an additional 30 minutes to be sure it clotted. My patch was then applied to my arm- has a needle that inserts in your arm followed by a catheter after a three minute delay upon being placed on your arm to administer medication to stimulate white blood cell growth. That was fun- ouch!
After hearing about my ringing the bell as I left my last in-patient chemo treatment, the girls expressed wanting to be at the last chemo to see me ring the bell. As I was finishing up chemo, I could see them across the building through the windows- they were waving and blowing me kisses. Tears running down my face- this is my why!
Finally, when I was told by “D” it was time to ring the bell, she handed me a certificate of completion of chemo treatment signed by all the nurses. I immediately began crying. I stood up and walked over to the bell. My Daddy, mother-in-law, Craig’s grandparents, his sister, and my baby girls walked in the door to join Craig and Mama to watch.
I can’t even adequately describe the overwhelming feelings that overcame me at being able to ring the bell on this leg of the journey. Cheers went up from my loved ones who have been walking beside me, from my nurse who has cared for me, and the other nurses and patients that were there that afternoon. All I could do was sob and say, “Thank you Jesus!”
God has been so good. He has seen us through every single step of this journey. Each step has been difficult, some days breathing was even more than I thought I could manage. But God! He has been faithful and been there every step of the way. He has seen to details that we have no other explanation than Him for and has made sure that we knew He saw us and loves us. He has provided prayer warriors who have faithfully prayed for my healing and for our family; for that we are so very grateful. There is such power in prayer. He has provided people who have been obedient to things He’s asked them to do on our behalf- blessings that have touched us so deeply; we have prayed blessings ten-fold over those individuals. Had you not obeyed God, we may have struggled through the day, searching for God in the midst of this difficult time. Thank you for being His hands and feet.
Scans
Scans are terrifying to cancer patients, or at least this one. There is such fear in the unknown. I have a brain MRI and a PET scan this week to see how chemo was successful and to determine next steps.
I know that God is already there- He will supply the strength I need to get me through each scan and appointment. However, there are still moments when fear tries to creep in. I am thankful for a husband who helps me through those moments through prayer and pointing me to Jesus. I am thankful for family and friends who speak truth over me during those times of doubt.
I have spent the last few days reading Psalms. My heart so resonates with David and his soul cries to the Lord. I have also been reading in Matthew and Mark. Jesus was a Healer- He healed many during His ministry on earth. He has continued to be the Great Physician and that will not cease. He performs miracles even today. I’m praying for healing!
Today was the 60th anniversary of our church. Wow! I am so thankful that 60 years ago someone planted our church and that its members have been faithful since. The theme this morning for the song service was faithfulness. God has been so faithful- He can’t be anything else. “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” Numbers 23:19.
We sang (I sang from home, thank you Lord for live stream) about God’s faithfulness today and one song in particular, Do it Again by Elevation Worship this morning. He has made a way where there was no way and I believe I’ll see Him do it again. God has used that song throughout this journey to remind me of His faithfulness. Having faith in difficult times may not be easy, but God can be trusted to be who He says He is and to be faithful.
A former pastor spoke and talked about prayer (cue ugly cry; I did a lot of that throughout the service today). Prayer is so powerful- you are having an intimate conversation with the creator of the universe, your creator, the Almighty God. That is mind-blowing. God listens to us when we pray (1 John 5:15-16, Jeremiah 29:12-13; Psalms 66:17-20; Mark 11:24 to name a few). Pastor Hudson talked about a man in our church many years ago who fell sick and wasn’t expected to make it. The church was having a prayer meeting and all members present that night prayed fervently that God would “bring him back from the line” and save him from death. The man’s fever broke and he was made well- prayer saved his life. Prayer changes situations, people, lives.
I am asking for my prayer warriors to pray as mightily for me this week. Please pray that my scans will be clear- that there is no cancer in my body, that the chemo did it’s job, and that the lesion on my lung is dead cells and not an active, second cancer. Please pray that God will guard my mind and heart, as well as Craig’s and our families’ during these next four days as we await results.
My brain MRI is tomorrow at 1:30 pm followed by appointments with the brain doctors and radiation doctor.
My PET scan is Tuesday at 9:00 am.
My results appointment is Thursday at 4:30 pm.
I covet your prayers during those times as well as throughout this week. We are praying and believing that God has been victorious over my cancer. He still performs miracles today! Thank you for praying for my healing and our family!
Please also pray for my friend Kristy who is having her surgery on Wednesday; please pray for her family and her recovery.
“So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.” Mark 11:22-24
A Painful Purpose 