One day can change everything

It has been said that a day can change the course of your life.

Jesus’ disciples experienced this- the day they met Jesus, their lives were altered.  The day Jesus died also altered their lives as well as every life from that point forward.  The day Jesus arose from the dead changed eternity for all mankind; praise God!

There have been days that have made an impact on my life.  The day I accepted Jesus as my Savior being one of the best.  The day I met Craig, started dating him, and later became his wife were days that have brought immense joy and changed my life for the better.  The days that my daughters were born were among the best of my life.  Little did I know that October 5, 2018 would alter the course of my life in a way that I couldn’t fathom.  However, it did not catch God by surprise.  He knew what would occur that day before I was even born and had a purpose for the pain that would follow.  My prayer is that He will be glorified through this Painful Purpose.

On Tuesday, October 2nd I had a migraine at school and lost my vision during a parent meeting.  I barely made it to the bathroom before getting sick and had to call Craig to come and get me.  My migraine medications never touched the pain and the next few days I combated the re-bound headaches and migraine hangover.  However, finally on Friday, October 5th I was feeling back to normal.  After school, the girls and I ran through a drive-thru to grab dinner on our way to the ball field for Makaila’s softball game.  Mid-way through the first inning, I started to lose my vision.  I couldn’t keep score in the right boxes because I no longer could see the boxes.  I texted my sister who is also a migraine sufferer to see if she thought this warranted an ER visit; complex migraines are not uncommon for me.  She suggested going to just make sure everything was okay; I had vacillated on Tuesday about going.  I stumbled my way to my parents and asked my Daddy to take me to the ER.

I stumbled my way in and had the security guard help me to the sign-in desk.  I informed the worker what was going on and they sent me straight back to triage.  I looked around and there were only a handful of people in the waiting room.  I thought surely I wouldn’t be here all night since there were so few people.  Little did I know.  After taking my vitals, they wheeled me to the waiting area and I sat there waiting for Craig to arrive after the game.  We then sat there for 5 hours, at which point I had had enough; they came to get me after about 3 hours but then I got bumped by a Rescue patient.  My head was hurting, the light was bright, and I just wanted the dark, my bed, and migraine meds.  I told Craig I wanted to see where I was in the line up for a room and if I wasn’t close, we were leaving.  The lady couldn’t tell us so we turned for the door.  God, however, had other plans.  We were literally 2 feet from the exit door when they called my name.  The nurse profusely apologized and said they finally had a room for me.  I cannot fathom what would have happened had God allowed us to leave that ER that night.

It wasn’t long before the doctor came in.  He asked me about my symptoms and typical migraines, my medications, etc.  He stated that he felt like this wasn’t typical for me and wanted to do an MRI to see what may be going on.  It was subzero in the ER and they were out of blankets.  I’m not sure of a time when Craig, who was in his coaching uniform shorts, or I have been as cold as we were that night.  Shivering in the bed, I prayed that there wouldn’t be anything wrong and that it would just be a migraine.

They came to get me for the MRI and that test took an hour and a half.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not big on confined spaces especially when they locked your head in this helmet device.  I prayed and sang my way through most of it until close to the end when I made the error in judgment of opening my eyes.  Yep, I squeezed the ball.  They slid me out and told me I only had 10 minutes left; if I stopped now they would have to repeat the entire thing.  So, I did what I had to do to get through it- I prayed.  They wheeled me back to the ER room and we waited for an indeterminate amount of time.

Around 5:00 in the morning, the doctor came in and said words that I’ll never understand and could barely comprehend.  “Lesion on your brain” “seizures disrupting your vision” “ordering CT scan of your body to see if other lesions” “Neuro ICU” I’ve never felt raw terror like I did at that moment.  Craig and I wept in fear over what was happening.

They moved me to the neuro ICU.  I remember Craig being on the phone, but not much else.  I didn’t even have words beyond, “Please God” to pray.  I am so thankful that in those moments of deep despair when you have no words that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf.  That He was carrying the cries of my heart to God on my behalf was such a comfort.

On Saturday early morning, I had a CT scan with contrast of my body to see if there were lesions elsewhere.  I’ve never prayed so hard during a 30 minute period in my life.  A brain doctor from MD Anderson rounded that morning and told us that more than likely the lesion in my brain was cancer.  My coagulates were off because of all the NSAID’s I had taken due to my headaches that week.  Once those were back to normal, I was more than likely going to have brain surgery to remove it.  I was going to stay in ICU because of the brain lesion and seizure risk.

So many people started coming by.  It was overwhelming to know that many people loved us.  The power of prayer was carrying us through this frightening time.  God was using those prayers and His people to lift us up despite our circumstances.  Grateful doesn’t begin to describe how we felt.

On Sunday, a team of doctors came to talk to us.  The results from the CT were in and I had a lesion on my right lung as well.  They were pretty certain it was metastasized lung cancer that had gone to my brain.  They were ordering a lung biopsy for Monday (which i was awake for and wasn’t the most fun thing I’ve ever done) to determine what type of cancer it was and that would guide them in regard to the brain and lung surgeries.  I would be having brain surgery within the week, they just weren’t sure if I would go home first or remain in the hospital.

The days began to run together.  Fear tried its best to rule our hearts as we were waiting on results.  So many came to visit us.  Some people we hadn’t seen in years.  It blessed our hearts so much to know that people were praying for us.  Our pastor came to visit and he said something that God used to speak directly to my heart.  He said that because of my relationship with Christ I had peace with God; but he was praying that I would have the peace of God.  We felt that peace of God surrounding us despite the uncertainties that we were facing because people were praying for us.  There is a song we used to sing at First Baptist Baldwin called Somebody’s Praying.  The lyrics are as follows:

I can’t describe how accurate this was in our lives during those 10 days and each day thereafter.  God was truly hearing each prayer and carrying us through from one moment to the next.

Plans were made for brain surgery on Thursday, October 11.  I didn’t sleep much the night before.  I spent the night praying- that God would be glorified through this situation, at all times and for many family and friends who were going through a difficult time.  The next morning my mom braided my hair in a way that could limit the amount of hair they needed to shave.  I was rolled into pre-op and had lots of doctors and assistants come in and talk with us.  The neurosurgeon who was on call that week and met with us several times was so nice.  He had such a calming presence and I was told by every medical personnel that he was the one you would want operating because he was that good.  That was a divine appointment, I am sure of it.  I kissed everyone goodbye and they rolled me to the OR.  I remember waking up and hearing a nurse call for Johnny.  They were giving him commands and he wasn’t following them.  He was having a really rough time.  I began to pray fervently for this gentleman in the recovery bed next to me.  The nurse called my name and asked how I was feeling- I told her my head hurt and I asked if Johnny was okay.  I told her I was really worried about him and was praying that he would start doing better.  I remember telling everyone who came back to see me in recovery to pray for Johnny.  I’ll never know if he started doing better, but I believe that God made sure that we were aware of his situation so that we could pray for him.  God again was showing me the power of prayer.

When you have brain surgery, you get a stay in the neuro ICU, so back to the 10th floor I went.  The nurses had to do neurological checks every hour and I had to have an MRI that night to make sure my brain was doing okay.  It was a long night with very minimal rest.  Thankfully the next day Craig and I were able to nap during the day.

On Friday, Craig and I met with several doctors from the multidisciplinary team at MD Anderson.  The brain docs came in and said that they felt good about my prognosis because I had a low burden of disease with it being only in two places; I had a fight on my hands, but they felt good about it and would be with us every step of the way.  Then the oncologist came in and delivered news that I still can’t draw a deep breath when I think about.  She told me that initial pathology on my lung was pointing to adenoid carcinoma, a cancer that doesn’t respond as well to chemo as others and likes to go to the brain.  She told us that I was stage 4 because of the brain metastasis.  She also stated that I had a fight on my hands and that it would get the best of me eventually, but I had to concentrate on each day as it came.  They would know more in the upcoming week after pathology came back from the brain and they could compare it with the lung.

I wish I could say that I handled that news beautifully and full of faith.  It was more ugly cry and being unable to breathe and begging God to intervene.  Craig’s mantra became, “just breathe.”  My pastor and his wife from a church I attended as a teenager and young 20’s came to visit me at some point during my time in the hospital.  He quoted Philippians 4:6-7 to me, which he knows is a life verse for me.  Craig and I repeated that verse to ourselves many times on Friday.  We knew that the burden we were carrying was too heavy; it wasn’t possible for us to bear it, for it was too much.  God blessed us with visitors that day who spoke His truth to our hurting souls and that carried us through to the next day.

I was finally able to go home on Sunday, October 14th, ten days after arriving to the ER with a migraine.  Our entire life had changed; uncertainty clouded our vision of the future and what that would entail.  I had an appointment at MD Anderson the following day to discuss pathology and next steps.  It was a fight against fear, but we had so many praying for us that God was using them to give us His strength.

What Happens Now…

My parents accompanied Craig and I to my oncology appointment.  We met with the oncologist who would devise my treatment plan with my multidisciplinary team.  He was very kind.  He showed us the before and after scans of my brain and talked about recovery time for that surgery.  He showed us the scans of my lung and stated that it was close to my heart, so treatment would be necessary before surgery to make it shrink.  They were still pretty certain it was lung cancer but were waiting on pathology which had not been returned yet.  He refused to discuss staging and prognosis, stating that everyone is unique and that we needed to concentrate on fighting and getting treatment started.  They scheduled my PET scan for that Friday.

My oncologist called us on Wednesday evening at 5:30.  My heart was beating so hard.  It had been a rough day emotionally and I couldn’t imagine what he needed to tell us that warranted a personal phone call.  He told us that pathology was looking like it was a different form of cancer.  He didn’t want to give us false hope, but he wanted to tell us what was happening and if it was in fact this type, it was a game changer.  Craig had asked him specifically on Monday if there was any chance it could be another form of cancer and he said, “I’m sorry.  I don’t think so.  We are fairly certain it’s lung cancer.”  God gave us such hope that day that He was working and we just needed to keep praying.

Friday came and the PET scan was upon me.  I had handwritten verses that God laid on my heart and ones that have brought me hope over the years.  I prayed them over myself while waiting for the radioactive sugar to take effect over the course of the hour wait before the scan.  God’s word is a two-edged sword that cut through the fear that was trying to rage within me.  “The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still” Exodus 14:14 was one such verse that soothed my soul.  The scan took a half hour and I used that time to pray that there wouldn’t be one single cancer cell found anywhere else as well as pray for others that God laid on my heart. I knew others were praying for me because I felt a calm that could only come from God during the scan.  They wheeled me back to the waiting room and we left.  Craig and I grabbed some lunch and went to Lifeway.  I found a hoodie that said “Just Breathe” Philippians 4:6-7 on it.  Not a coincidence, so of course I bought it.  We went home and I took a nap.  I felt like I had just gone to sleep when Craig came in and woke me up.  He told me that my doctor tried to call me and then called mom when I didn’t answer.  Mom was on her way to the house with news.  I instantly thought I was going to be sick and could only utter, “Please God.”

My mom was fairly bursting when she came into my room.  She said that the PET scan results were in and he had to call to give us the results since he didn’t want us to wait and worry.  We had originally been told that we would find out the results on the 29th at my treatment planning appointment.  The fact that my doctor called personally was big deal and a God thing.  He told my mom that there were no evidences of cancer anywhere else other than my right lung which had shown up on the CT scan.  Praise God!!!  I started crying and praising the Lord!  Mom said there was more news.  I didn’t have lung cancer.  I had choriocarcinoma and that both the lung and brain lesions were this cancer.  They had consulted other pathologists to make sure.  Mom said something about it responding well to chemo and having a chemo port put in and the doctor wanting me to start the week after my treatment appointment.  I needed to regain my strength and recover more from brain surgery and prepare to fight.

“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted” Job 5:9.  God had performed a miracle!  Every single doctor I saw in the hospital was fairly certain even without pathology that I had lung cancer.  The outlook wasn’t favorable.  But God!  Every single prayer on my behalf, God heard and answered!  The doctor’s words were “this is a game changer.”

I clung to the hope that God gave us that day.  In my humanness, I was afraid that I was going to show up to the treatment planning appointment and that pathology would be different; that they might have made a mistake.  Satan does that- takes truth and tries to cause you to doubt.  The verse cards restored the peace to my soul when doubts and fear started to creep in.  I literally could feel God’s presence through people praying for me.  I would receive text messages right at the exact moment that I would need them most.

My chemo port surgery was an interesting day.  In pre-op, I used my verse cards to pray God’s word over myself and to try to calm my anxieties over the surgery.  I was nervous about being “consciously sedated” aka semi-aware of what was going on.  I tend to be a little chicken when it comes to surgeries.  They wheeled me back into the OR and the doctor came in and introduced himself.  He then informed me that I wouldn’t be sedated during the procedure and used local anesthetics.  I know for a fact there were people praying for me during that procedure because I was 100% conscious and aware of everything that was going on and I was calmer than I should have been.  I used the time to pray- I tried to sing in my head, but lyrics failed me.  God was teaching me again how much prayer was a stronghold and could carry me through a difficult situation.  Craig was surprised to see me “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” after the procedure and not sleepy.  Since I was awake, I did the only natural thing to do, I talked him into taking me to Metro Diner for breakfast.

I had 10 days after my port surgery until my treatment plan appointment.  The unknowns can be daunting and overwhelming.  God continued to use people to speak life into us, to shower love upon us, and give us praise songs and verses that could speak to the depths of our hearts.  I was able to attend church the day before my appointment and it was such a blessing to be there to worship with our church family.

The Plan

The day of my many appointments with MD Anderson was beyond overwhelming and exhausting.  There was so much information given to us that it was hard to absorb it all.  My oncologist confirmed that I had choriocarcinoma; that both lung and brain lesions were the exact same thing when looked at under the microscope confirmed by a second opinion.  He told me that I was a bizarre case; each doctor that I saw that day told me that I was a unique case, the N of 1 in regard to my particular circumstances and they were baffled that it was the type of cancer it was.  My oncologist stated that it had high curative rates with chemotherapy, although my brain doctors were far more careful in their words choices, manageable was their word of choice.  According to my oncologist, this cancer responded well to chemotherapy and they were going to be aggressive and intensive with my treatment.

I will be on two different chemo regimens on alternating weeks for 3 months.  The odd weeks will be in-patient for 2 days and I will receive three different chemotherapy medications, one of which over a 24-hour period. The alternate weeks, I will go to MD Anderson to the infusion center and receive two chemotherapy medications over a 2-3 hour period one day per week.  I was told I would be unable to work during my treatments and my job for the next 3 months was to fight and get through treatments.  They told me that a close eye would be kept on me during treatment due to the intensive nature.  Scans will be conducted at 6 weeks to see how well the treatments are working.  They are hoping that it will melt the cancer thus negating having to surgically remove it from my lung.  So, I’m asking that you pray for that please- that treatment will work exactly like they are hoping it will and will melt the entire cancerous lesion and that God will give my body the strength to withstand the treatments.

Chemotherapy starts on Monday.  I’d be remiss if I said that I wasn’t scared, nervous, and overwhelmed.  There is always a certain level of anxiety about doing something that has a reputation for its side effects and not something you’ve ever experienced personally before.  Can I ask you to continue to pray for me and my family?  This is going to be a difficult 3 months for me and my family.  I’m praying for a miracle- for complete and total healing of cancer and I ask that you pray for that as well.  I have two little girls I long to see grow up and a husband I want to continue to build a life with and grow old with.

Thank you for praying for me!  God is using those prayers and moving in mighty ways!  He is using your prayers to carry us through this storm.  We are blessed and so thankful for you.