Do not be discouraged

“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, My God, is with you.”  1 Chronicles 28:20

Round 5…becomes a detour

Monday morning I woke up to Craig telling me that Baptist had my room ready for my in-patient Round 5 chemo treatment.  I decided to grab a shower before heading in.  Upon getting out, I noticed that my scar from my chemo port surgery was oozing (TMI, I know, but necessary information) and not the color you would want it to be.  I started to panic because I knew what that meant: infection.  Craig covered it up with a band-aid and reminded me to breathe.  We loaded up and headed in to the hospital.  What unfolded afterwards was not what I was expecting, but it didn’t take God by surprise.

I was taken to three different rooms before they decided to leave me in the suite I had the last time.  This room has a sitting room off of it that most visitors to the floor think is a waiting room.  So, we meet new people all the time when the nurse tells them kindly that they are in a patient’s room or when I come out of my room to go for a walk; oops.

Next, a nurse comes in and I inform her about the port site and she takes a look.  Upon inspection, she tells me to cover it back up and summons my in-patient oncologist.  The doctor came in to inspect it and began pushing it and trying to get something to come out- which she did and sent off for testing.  Thankfully, I had never run a fever so I was praying we caught it early.  Another nurse came in and introduced himself as my nurse for the day.  We knew right away that might not be a great thing.

The doctor informed me that the port was infected and had to come out today.  Chemo was being delayed by at least two weeks and they were starting me on antibiotics; I was going to be here at least two days for the IV antibiotics before they sent me home on oral ones.  Tears streamed down my face as she was informing me of this new plan for the week.  When you have cancer, all you want is for it to be gone- out of your body.  To have a delay in chemo which is the method of killing the cancer, is tough, not that you are looking forward to chemo treatments though.  It is definitely a means to an end.

The nurse then tried to get blood for a blood culture.  After painfully chasing my vein with the needle, he was finally successful.  He came back thirty minutes later for the second blood culture and blew the vein in my hand.  He attempted in the bend of one of my arms and was unsuccessful as well.  A call was then made to the vein team to come with an ultrasound machine to start an IV.  Another nurse on the floor, one I see every time I am there, came and was able to draw blood from my other hand for the second blood culture and to run my usual blood work. So, a total of four sticks and no IV yet.  Whew, I was not looking forward to the 5th stick.

The “vein queen” we will call her, came in with her machine and found a vein.  However, it was in the bend of my right arm.  So, I couldn’t bend my arm for the length of my stay because the IV machine would beep and stop running because the line was occluded.  So far, my Monday was pretty rough.  Thankfully, Craig and my Mama kept speaking words of life and hope into me and handing me tissues as needed.

I ate breakfast on the way to the hospital, so I had to wait eight hours before I could have the port taken out.  In the meantime, they started me on two different broad-spectrum antibiotics since results wouldn’t be back for a few days on what type of infection I had.  They came and wheeled me to the special procedures waiting room around 4:30 pm.  I was hungry and exhausted.  On the way, I started to get really hot as if I was burning from within.  My skin felt like it was on fire.  Craig looked at me and asked if I was okay.  He immediately got a nurse when we arrived.  They told me I was having a adverse reaction to one of the antibiotics that was still running through my IV; they stopped the drip and called upstairs to my nurse.  My temperature was taken several times and they kept coming in my curtain to check on me.  Thankfully, my skin started to return to normal after a while.  The nurse practitioner came in to talk to me about taking the port out and what would happen afterwards.  Let’s just say that this girl was not excited about the prospect of not showering for a month and leaving the wound open for that long for it to heal from the inside out.

The procedure was about as fun as it was putting it in- zero.  However, the nurses and the doctor were very nice and talked to me and each other during the procedure to try to take my mind off of what they were doing.  I prayed so hard the entire day that the infection would not be bad nor internal.  After taking the port out, the doctor said that he thought it was superficial and it wasn’t in the port pocket.  PRAISE GOD!!! I wept when he told me that; which, by the way when you are lying on an operating table, tears just go in your ears- I recommend you trying to hold it together.  The doctor made some joke at that time and we all were cracking up.  They let Craig come right inside the room so the doctor could tell him about how the procedure went.  He said he was nervous the entire time I was in the OR but when he heard me laughing he knew I was okay.  We both praised God when we got back to the room that the infection wasn’t bad and the doctor who removed the port anticipated being able to put in another port the next day if my oncologist wanted to because it wasn’t pervasive.

My night nurse was super sweet and inspired confidence that she was going to take good care of me.  It was a long night, as is usual in hospitals, with vitals and blood draws.  The next morning during shift change, you’ll never guess who walked back in the door as my nurse for the second day.  Oh my word.  Craig and I just looked at each other and laughed because what else could be do.  We prayed we could survive his 12 hour shift.

During rounds, my in-patient oncologist stated that we were waiting on blood cultures to come back and until then I would stay on the antibiotics I was on, which by the way are no picnic coming through the IV.  She stated that she was going to talk to my oncologist and they were going to figure out my new chemo schedule because I couldn’t be on chemo while I had an infection and on antibiotics.  Craig asked if they could make sure I wasn’t going to be in the hospital for Christmas.  As my schedule was before, I was going to have out-patient chemo on Christmas Eve.  She stated that they didn’t want to put any new devices in my body during this time, either.  She told us my tumor marker numbers, which had dramatically dropped.  Praise God for some amazing news! They were hoping I could go home on Wednesday because they should have all the lab results by then.

Tuesday was a very long day.  A PA from the special procedures came up and checked my port site.  He stated it looked good and that it was a superficial infection that we caught very early, thankfully.  That was all Jesus.  He told me that he might could stitch it closed tomorrow, after checking with the doctor, but would let me know soon.  He called back and said that I would have to come back for the medicated packing to be changed on Friday.  Not necessarily what I was hoping to hear.

The night was long and I had trouble sleeping.  My oncologist came in on Wednesday morning and said that the blood cultures still remained negative.  In her experience if they remained negative for 48 hours, they would more than likely stay negative.  That would be a huge blessing!  She told me the name of the infection (some fancy medical word that I have no idea how to pronounce let alone spell).  I had to wait on the sensitivities test to come back before I could go home, but they should be back around 1:30.  Praise the Lord- I was so excited to get to go home.  I was beyond weary and exhausted and just wanted to be home; truth be told, I really wanted that IV out as well.  She told me that they decided to bump up my chemo to next week instead of resuming on the 17th.  This would put me in the hospital for in-patient chemo the day after Christmas.  Thank you Lord for working it out so I could be home with my girls, husband, and family for Christmas.  I was finally able to head home at 5:00 pm just in time for dinner.

On Friday, I had my packing removed and replaced.  OUCH!  However, I was excited when the PA told me that it looked great with no signs of infection and I could have it stitched closed next week when I am in-patient.  Praise the Lord for not having to leave it open for a month!

Do not be discouraged…

What a difficult command to follow.  So often when life throws us curve balls to disrupt our schedules, we become discouraged.  I’d love to say that I wasn’t discouraged over the course of this week’s events.  However, in my humanness I was.  In my heart, I knew that God was in control and there were reasons I was unaware of as to why these things unfolded.  I am so thankful that I was scheduled to go in-patient this week and that the infection was caught early which prevented a lot of complications.

I don’t know why God wanted my chemo schedule interrupted nor why I got an infection that led to my port having to be removed.  I may not ever know.  God never said our walk in this life would be easy.  He does say over and over in His word that He will be with us (Isaiah 43:2-3; Joshua 1:9; Isaiah 41:10, 13; Isaiah 43:2 to name a few).  I learned some things this week. May I share them with you?

God has a perfect plan.  It may not be linear and follow the schedule that is set before me exactly, but His word says that He has a good plan for my life.  I am trusting that He will get me to the finish line how He sees fit and will equip me for the journey.

Jesus endured pain to provide a sacrifice for my sins.  This week hasn’t been painless but pales in comparison to what He endured on my behalf.  I’m so grateful that He loved me enough to willingly die for me.  He died for you as well; so that you could have a relationship with Him and spend eternity with Him.  If you don’t know Him personally, I pray that you will today.  If you’d like to know how, send me a message!

When you cannot do things for yourself because your right hand is out of commission, it makes you realize what reliance truly is.  Apart from Craig during this hospital stay, it would have been extremely difficult.  He willingly and lovingly helped me every time I called his name, regardless if it was at 3:00 in the morning and he had just fallen back to sleep after the nurse left.  His actions spoke volumes of love and sacrifice, which are a picture of our Heavenly Father.  Apart from God, I can do nothing.  This season has shown me what relying on God truly is.

God knows me better than anyone, even myself.  He knew this nurse would be working these days and I would have him.  I get pretty nervous at the start of chemo.  Accessing my port and beginning the medications is nerve-wracking for me.  I like to have nurses that inspire confidence in their abilities and that have been doing this a long time.  When I have a nurse who does not, it would send my anxiety into over drive about the medication not going where it is supposed to and all the detrimental complications that would ensue.  God knew there was no way I could have this nurse during chemo treatments for my peace of mind.  So, he was my nurse during a time that I could tolerate.

He also knew that I would need last weekend’s concert with Kari Jobe to carry me through this last week.  He knew I needed a big reminder that fear is a liar and that He is with me, always.  I am not alone for He is always with me.

Pray Big

Mark 11:24 tells us to pray expectantly, believing in what we are asking God for.   We are to pray ceaselessly.  I know that so many of you are praying exactly like that for me.  I’ll never be able to fully convey the depth of my gratitude for you taking me to Jesus and pleading on my behalf.  It means so much to Craig and I.  We are believers in the power of prayer and we know that God is hearing your prayers and using them to carry us through and answering them in mighty ways in our lives.  Thank you seems so inadequate, but thank you very much.

I have a scan tomorrow morning at 9:45 am to look at the size of the lesion on my lung. Will you pray, believing, with us that it has gotten significantly smaller, or is completely gone, and that cancer is diminishing in my body?  I would be so grateful.

On Wednesday, I will be going back in the hospital for in-patient chemo.  I have to have a PICC line placed- will you pray that the procedure goes well and without complication?  Will you also pray that chemo administration goes well and the side effects will be minimal? Will you pray that the infection stays gone and that my port site will heal?

Would you also pray for my friend Kristy tomorrow?  She is on a breast cancer journey and will find out tomorrow if she is in remission with one type so she can move forward to surgically removing the other.  Thank you!

If you have a need that we can pray for, please let us know!  Craig and I would consider it a privilege to pray for you as well.

We are incredibly thankful for each and every one of you and your prayers for us.  God bless you!