Healing

Surgery #4

Lung surgery day came bright and early, or rather dark and early.  My alarm rang at 3:30 am to drink a pre-surgery drink.  It was super yum (insert sarcasm); it was made by the Ensure brand, enough said, right?  I couldn’t go back to sleep because of nerves, so I took the time to praise God for getting me to this day and to pray for some others that were heavy on my heart.

Craig and I got up at 4:30 to get our things together to head to Baptist.  We checked in- the lady at the desk couldn’t find my name on her paper.  I thought, “Oh no, not today Satan!”  She hand wrote me in and verified that I was in fact on the schedule for the day.  I was my surgeon’s first patient.  When they finally called me back, they wouldn’t let my mom come back because I was in a tiny holding room.

IV’s were started, jokes made about my millioneth pair of snazzy no-slip socks, and warm blankets passed out after scrubbing again with those chlorohexidine wipes (you haven’t lived if you haven’t ever used them; they leave you feeling oh so fresh like you bathed in syrup.  This girl hates being sticky).

I finally begged them to let my mom com back and about the time she appeared so did my surgeon. He asks if we had questions; of course I did.  He then states that just because my incisions were small didn’t mean the internal damage would be small.  It would be the same as if he cracked my chest open and operated on my lung.  Swell.  It might have been better to know that sooner than moments before they wheeled me back to an operating room.  Actually, I would have just stressed about it, so I am glad I didn’t know beforehand.  No truer words had been spoken, however, and I would all too soon find that out after waking up.

I was pretty nervous moments before they took me back- Craig wiped my tears and prayed with me.  My parents kissed me and my Daddy made jokes to make me laugh.  I gave hugs and then the anesthesiologist gave me meds to “calm my nerves.”  Praise the Lord for those!  Then it was show time.

I remember the nurse calling my name in recovery and getting to see Craig and my parents.  My shoulder felt dislocated, but otherwise I was okay.  I had oxygen on and it hurt to breathe deep, but surgery went well.  I was so overwhelmed!  Thank you God for a successful surgery and carrying me through another step in this journey.

My surgeon told me I would have a drain.  What he failed to mention was that “drain” was in fact a chest tube.  That thing was.no.joke.!!!  Talk about zero fun.  I couldn’t draw a deep breath and every time they asked me to cough, oh my word at the discomfort.  Chest tubes also come with this snazzy little box that the fluid drains into that you have to drag everywhere with you.  I don’t know about you, but I am squeamish and don’t like looking at things like that.  That is a little hard to do when it is attached to you.  Luckily Craig and I had already synchronized his assisting me places during my in-patient chemo stays, so that didn’t prove to be too hard.  Mom pushed my IV pole down the hall and Craig carried the box on our walks.  It was something to behold!

Since my surgery was so early in the morning, I had all day to be awake.  I was able to eat lunch so my family didn’t have to deal with a hangry patient.  The meds they were giving me plus anesthesia made me pretty loopy, not a feeling I enjoy.  Thankfully, my parents stayed to visit and we had other visitors as well to keep us company.

That night was pretty long with nurses coming in every 2 hours.  The next morning the PA came in during rounds and said they wanted to keep me another night and keep the chest tube in.  So, another night I stayed.  It was pretty quiet that day and Craig and I snoozed when we could.

The next morning my surgeon came in and pulled my chest tube.  Praise God!  I was finally able to draw a breathe without pain.  I had to have a series of X-rays over several hours before they would discharge me.  My nurse told me I had a small pneumothorax and that if it didn’t change in size or got bigger they would have to put the chest tube back in bedside.  Oh no ma’am! She suggested walking and to continue doing my spirometer.  So Craig and I walked at least 3 miles in laps around the floor (just kidding, but it sure felt that far) and that spirometer was used every 20 minutes as suggested.  Finally, after the results from another X-ray were read by my surgeon, he let me go because it had decreased ever so slightly in size.  I was finally leaving Baptist Hospital with no return date looming in the future. God is so good!

Recuperating

During lung surgery, you become a contortionist, all without your knowledge.  They have to maneuver your body in a way that your ribs separate so they can access your lung.  Your arm and shoulder get manipulated to also make this happen.  The nerve block given during surgery helps with pain associated with this contortion, however it wears off after 5 days.  So, pain became my friend. I was prescribed some medication to assist with nerve pain and inflammation, but my surgeon doesn’t prescribe pain medications.  After the 5 days of medications were up, the pain was more than I could tolerate at night and I was pretty miserable.  Thankfully he called in another week for me so I could heal more before discontinuing medications.

Last week, my side started burning and I chalked it up to my nerves regenerating due to the three places he had to go through my ribs and muscles.  That Friday, a rash developed.  I assumed I had come in contact with something that had irritated me.  It started to blister over the weekend and was itching uncontrollably.  On Monday, I stopped in MD Anderson to have someone on my surgeon’s team look at it because I was getting concerned over what it could be.  The nurse wasn’t sure but was going to consult with the PA and call me later that afternoon.  So, she did.  “We think it could be shingles.”  Excuse me, what?  So, she moved my post-op appointment from April 2nd to Friday so he could take a look at it.

Friday arrived and I was trying hard to not be nervous about the pathology results and what my chest X-ray would show.  In my morning devotion, God reminded me again that this battle was His and that He is with me.  My surgeon said surgery went well.  My chest X-ray looked fabulous and that I could stop doing my spirometer.  Hallelujah!  He removed 12 lymph nodes close to my lung and all were benign.  Thank you Jesus!  He then said that the lesion was dead!  PRAISE GOD!!!!  They couldn’t correlate it to the lesion in my lung, but knew it was choriocarcinoma or it wouldn’t have died during chemo. In his words, “it doesn’t matter what it was, it is dead.”  He also stated, “We know for sure that this wasn’t lung cancer.”  God is so, so good!

He took a look at my rash and stated that he wasn’t 100% certain that it was shingles.  He wanted me to see my GP.  He then discharged me from his service and said if I needed anything I could call him, but otherwise I was  “good to go.”

I’m not particularly fond of my GP and knew it would be a long shot to get in with them on a Friday afternoon.  I called my OB/GYN and was able to drive straight there.  The nurse took a look at the picture I had of it on my phone of what it looked like days prior and she said, “That is absolutely shingles.  I don’t even have to look at your side to know.”

I have to say that shingles is pretty miserable.  I’ve been looking for my white towel to throw in but can’t seem to find it.  I think one of my children took it and used it in an art project.  If you need anti-itch cream, don’t go to Publix.  I’ve bought them out.  Unfortunately, they don’t really provide much relief.  Praise God, my doctor called in something that is supposed to help shorten the life of shingles.  Please dear Lord let it work! Apparently, cancer, chemo, and the stress on my body from lung surgery created the perfect storm for my chicken pox virus to awaken and rear it’s ugly head in the form of shingles.  Thankfully, my God knows all about storms and can calm them with a wave of His hand.  I’m praying He’ll do just that and give me the strength to weather this storm as well.

I was reading about Job in my morning devotion by Lysa Terkeurst the other day.  Job was covered in boils from his head to his toes (praise the Lord mine isn’t all over like his was).  His wife encouraged him to curse God and die.  He rebuked his wife and didn’t sin in his agony.  I am so glad that God continues to lead me to passages that speak to my heart and show me how to live my life.  Job used a potshard to bring himself relief.  A broken piece of pottery that was seemingly useless.  Lysa stated that God takes the shattered pieces of our lives and crushes them to dust to remake something stronger, more beautiful.  He did just that in Job’s life.  I am so thankful that His word tells us that He will take the hard things in our life and redeem them for good (Romans 8:28).

Living

I have been given the green light by my team of doctors to re-enter the “real world.”  I will head back to work on Monday.  I won’t lie and say that I am not a little nervous about that.  I am going to be completely zapped at the end of the work day.  I have been house-ridden since October and have rarely left and if I did it was with a mask covering my face.  However, I am so excited to go back.  I am thankful that I can counsel students from a new perspective and resiliency than I had before October 5, 2018.  God has given me firsthand knowledge and experience in walking through battles that seem insurmountable and agonizing.

I am looking forward to being able to drive my girls to school.  I am also looking forward to them coming to my school at the end of their day and getting snacks and love from me.  I am excited about going to Makaila’s softball games and being a dance mom to Ava again.  I am excited to date my husband again- PF Changs here we come (hopefully soon).

I am also so excited about going back to church and worshiping alongside my church family.  I will be overwhelmed with gratitude over the fact that I can be there again.  I am so looking forward to walking down the aisle with Ava to talk to our pastor about her getting baptized and being able to be there to witness that.

May I never take for granted the fact that “I get to do this” in every aspect of my life.  I am so thankful that God has brought me this far and that I am at a place where I can resume activities.  Thank you Jesus, I am eternally grateful.

Craig has been trying to get me to listen to this song he heard on KLOVE a few weeks ago.  I just have kept forgetting to look it up.  God took matters in His own hands and had it playing the other day as I was driving.  I almost had to pull over.  It was if it was written just for me to describe my heart.  The lyrics are as follows:

Scars by I am They

Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes

Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
‘Cause my brokenness brought me to You
And these wounds are a story You’ll use

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

Now I’m standing in confidence
With the strength of Your faithfulness
And I’m not who I was before
No, I don’t have to fear anymore

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

I can see, I can see
How you delivered me
In Your hands, in Your feet
I found my victory
I can see, I can see
How You delivered me
In Your hands, in Your feet
I found my victory

I’m thankful for Your scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And with my life, I’ll tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful
I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
So forever I am thankful for the scars

During these last 6 months, Craig and I have gained a deeper faith.  We have learned more about God’s heart, who He is, and His character.  He has become real to us in a way that He wasn’t before.  Prayer has literally been my lifeline and God has used your prayers to carry us through this unimaginably difficult time in our life.  We are so thankful for you guys.  We are so grateful that our wounds will be a story He will use to reach others for Him.

Would you continue to pray for me?

• Please pray that this shingles outbreak will not spread anywhere else and that it will be short-lived; also that I can get relief from the pain and itching.
• Please pray for me next week as I go back to work.  It is going to exhaust me since my energy level is still low- please pray for my strength and energy to return.
• Please pray that I will stay well and won’t get sick (the flu is running rampant at the moment) since my immune system is still low.
• Please pray for me on April 19th- my first set of follow-up scans will be that day followed by appointments with my brain doctors and oncologist.  Please pray that they are completely, 100% clear of cancer.
• Please pray for my cousin who started chemo this week.
• Please pray for the following people who are in cancer battles:
  • Nicole
  • Tiffany
  • Mr. M
  • Katie
  • Maggie
  • Jeff
  • Kathy

I am so grateful for your continued prayers!  They mean the world to us!  We are praying for each of you and are thankful you’re a part of our village.  If you would like us to pray for you, please send me a message or comment below.  We would love to pray for you.  Have a great week 🙂