Living

Fast-forward

Where has the time gone? I cannot believe April was the last blog post I wrote.

Since returning to work, time has resumed its fast-forward position. I was able to finish the last 9 weeks of the school year strong and without getting sick. Thank you Jesus for Hepa filters and my work bestie who constantly supplied me with OnGuard! What a 9 weeks it was! There were so many students in mental health crises- as the school year winds down, the students where school is their safe place have greater difficulty with the thoughts of summer and being in an environment that may be more chaotic for them. It was a busy time for sure.

On May 25th, I participated in my school’s commencement. A year ago to the day, I graduated with my master’s degree from Liberty. It isn’t lost on me that God knew what this year would hold for me. Was my first year as a school counselor the one I had envisioned for myself a year ago? Not in the least! However, God knew that through my cancer journey I would gain a perspective I would never have otherwise and that with this new perspective would come empathy and understanding like never before. I could use my experiences to enhance my counseling skills when counseling students who are walking through difficulties. Thank you for using my scars!

In this commencement, I was able to hand a particular student his diploma (I handed out a great deal, but had to cross the stage to hand him his). I met with this student often at the beginning of the year. He had had a difficult journey but was ready to buckle down and graduate early. I encouraged him, met with him on a bi-weekly basis before I went out on medical leave. He not only met his goal, but made higher grades than he had in years! It was a special moment- that God allowed me to be a small part of his story was so humbling.

After cancer, I felt like I needed to do big, save-the-world, Wonder Woman-type things to show my thankfulness for this second chance at living.  Fortunately, God doesn’t work that way.  We can’t earn our salvation or blessings- He gives them freely because He loves us beyond our human ability to comprehend.  Sometimes ministry is about loving the people God placed in your path. I am thankful that I can utilize the career that He led me to in order to glorify Him and make a small difference in the lives of the students I come in contact with.

Moving on

In the fall before I was diagnosed with cancer, we had intended on putting our house on the market.  I have close to an hour commute one way to work every day which got old quickly.  However, all of those “plans” were put on hold.  I am thankful because I needed my support system close by.

Over the last few months, we have felt like God was telling us it was time to pick those dreams back up and and dust them off.  So, the past few weeks have been rife with painting trim, walls, and fixing little random things that you tend to put off as homeowners when life is busy.  The house is almost ready and is pretty sparkly, if I do say so myself.  We have been asked many times over the last few months about looking for a house and where we are going.  We honestly haven’t seriously been looking.  Houses are selling rather quickly in our area and we didn’t want to fall in love with a house before we were ready to make a move on one.  We truly feel akin to Noah when God told him to prepare the ark- he had no idea what rain was, where he was going to end up because of this rain, but he was obedient and did what God asked Him to do.  We felt God leading us to make the necessary changes and updates to our home to prepare for our move.  He hasn’t really told us where we are going yet, but He will when it’s time.  I’ve learned a great deal over the last 9 months; God is faithful and will provide a way.  If you don’t mind praying with us that God will lead us to a home that fits our needs and desires for our family, we would be grateful.

The thought of leaving the home we brought our babies home from the hospital to and have built a life in over the past 14 years brings some tears.  This past year has shown that life is every changing.  Our pastor stated in a recent sermon, that in the Bible every dispensation (time period) was began with miracles.  My life feels a little like that- we feel like this is a new chapter, a new time period and it began with many miracles.  We are a little nervous about where God may lead us, but we know that He is faithful and will work everything out for our good and His glory.

In this new chapter, we feel a little lost sometimes.  When your life stops, seldom does the lives of those around you.  Everyone keeps living- that is just the nature of life.  When cancer comes in, everything is shaken up and you aren’t the same anymore.  Due to this new outlook on life, sometimes it is hard to resume “life” as it used to be.  Some things just aren’t important anymore, you have more empathy, and your relationships or lack thereof change.  Sometimes I find myself on the outskirts looking in and feeling like I just don’t belong.  It is hard to feel “normal” because I don’t and I’m not; not that I think there is a such thing as “normal,” I definitely am not pre-October 5th Kristen anymore.  It feels like cancer has redefined me and how others see and treat me.  Also, some comments or jokes that are made hit extremely raw places, places most wouldn’t understand unless they lived it.  It is a weird place to be in.  So, if you see me looking uncomfortable, it is probably because I am.  Bear with me.  God is making me new- this post-October 5th Kristen is striving to be more like Jesus and He’s going to help me find my place again. I am grateful that I have a loving Heavenly Father who sees me, loves me, and is working on me.  He reminds me (Isaiah 41:10) that even when I feel lonely, I am never alone.

With all that said, we know He is leading us in a new direction not just in a residence, but in our lives as well.  I am so grateful that He is restoring us and giving us the opportunties to point others to Him through our story.

That time again…

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my oncologist to check my cancer markers via blood work.  Normally, I have all of my appointments the same day (brain MRI, brain docs, oncology, etc), but it didn’t work out that way this time.  I am trying hard to battle fear and its lies.  Please pray with me that these results will still show that I am 100% cancer free. I am also having some neuropathy issues and swelling in my extremties- please pray that the oncologist will be able to provide insight on these symptoms and that they don’t hang around for too long!

I am forever grateful to you for continuting to lift me up in prayer.  It means so much to us.  I would gladly love to return the favor any time you are in need of prayer. I am thankful for this lifeline that Jesus’ sacrifice provided me.

Would you pray for my cousin Nicole today and in the days to come?  She is having a major surgery today on her breast cancer journey and could use people lifting her up to Jesus.  Thank you so very much!

“Somewhere, someone is counting on you to do what Jesus has asked you to do.”  I am so thankful that over the last 9 months you have allowed God to work through your obedience to Him in being a blessing to us through prayers, meals, watching my girls, financial blessings, encourgement, and the list goes on.  We truly couldn’t have made it nor continue on this journey without you all.  Thank you and we love you!