Our Beauty for Ashes

November 12th brought a dream God had planted in our hearts a long time ago into reality. We officially signed off on our dream home and were able to move in.

Craig and I wanted badly to surprise our girls with their rooms completely done, minus their pictures and art hanging on the wall. They have been through more than most little girls have and we wanted to see joy on their faces. I painted accent walls and we set up their furniture, their beds, bedding, and accent items. They hadn’t been to the house in several months, so they hadn’t seen things as they would be when we moved in. I think it will be one of the greatest videos we have to go back and watch their joy and excitement. It was truly such an incredible moment for Craig and I. I couldn’t help but ugly cry through it all- for us to have such joy after such a difficult season and difficult build was so amazing! Truly our beauty for ashes!

We were able to have our first Thanksgiving and Christmas in our new home. It was such a sweet time for us since our schedule tends to lend itself toward the insane. The last 2 years have been difficult- cancer and then moving right into living with family and building our home. Blessings- absolutely, but challenging as well.

We can’t wait to be able to use our home to minister to others- to speak words of life and hope into them all while gathered around some yummy food and maybe a warm fire. One of our biggest prayers in building this home and having this land was that God would use it to be a blessing to those who step foot on it and inside. COVID is trying its hardest to put a damper on that, but God will make a way.

New Year, New Me?

How many of you have a word that you strive to live by or guides you throughout your new year? I would love to do that, but have yet to land on a word that I feel like was given to me by God. I have goals to reach, sure, but I think cancer has taught me (maybe forced is a better word) that looking far into the future is difficult and sometimes impossible. I live more in the day-to-day which is hard since by nature I am a planner. To be honest, the future is very scary for me and the what-ifs that like to loom there. So, even planning into the year ahead is hard. Alas, I would love to have a word guide me. Discipline has been on my heart lately. Sometimes in my lack of looking to the future, it is hard to be as disciplined as I need to be in various areas of my life. Preparing for things that are coming ahead on my calendar, my overall health and wellness, protecting and setting aside time to spend one-on-one with my husband and children, self-care- the list could continue on but I think you get the point. How often do tend to gravitate to one extreme or the other- plan for future and forsake the present or only live in the present and forsake the future? The Bible tells us in many different chapters as well as Jesus through parables that we need to be prepared- to give a defense, to share the Gospel, to meet Jesus. He counterbalances that with not worrying about tomorrow, for it has it’s own worries. There is a happy medium here and I don’t know about you, but I long to find that balance.

2020 taught us (and to be honest it started in 2018 for the Fry four) that life can change pretty quickly and resemble nothing like it did only months ago. I have found that God can bring about his purpose through even the hardest of circumstances and often it’s those difficult moments that refine us and allow God to use us for His kingdom in ways we would have never fathomed. I pray that 2021, for our family, will bring more of a disciplined balance and that God will continue to utilize us and our story for His glory.

Truth I’m Standing On

Scans always seem to bring uncertainty for me. This time around was no different. If I am completely honest, which I try to be as transparent here as possible, these scans this time were almost as hard as the scans following my treatment to see if the chemo had worked. Why? Perhaps because we moved into a home that we truly thought would never happen and life is starting to seem routine again. As usual, I step up my worship music game leading into scan and result appointments. It is hard for Satan to taunt me when I am filling my time with songs that allow me to praise God. A new artist was played on KLOVE, my favorite radio station and her song “The Truth I’m Standing On” was exactly what God wanted me to hear in that moment. This song brought tears immediately to my eyes within the first 3 words. It resonated with my soul. Some of the lyrics have stayed with me- This is the truth I’m standing on, even when all my strength is gone, you are faithful forever, and I know You’ll never, let me fall; Right now I’m choosing to believe, someday soon I’ll look back and see, all the pain had a purpose, Your plan was perfect all along, this is the truth I’m standing on. I’ll link the acoustic version of this song sung by Leanna Crawford here- It is such an amazing song and I hope it will bless you as it has me.

Craig and I named this blog Painful Purpose after much prayer because we hoped that through our painful journey God would use that to help others- that there would be a purpose bigger than ourselves in this, that we would glorify God through every up and every down on this journey. Despite the fear that comes with each scan date looming and especially on results days, we stand on the truth and our faith that no matter what God will be there with us every step of the way and that there is purpose in this cancer journey. Another song that has resonated with me lately is Another in the Fire by Hillsong United. It talks about how there is another in the fire with you and that you will never be alone. He will always be there for you, no matter what fire you are walking through- cry out to Him, seek Him through His word, and pray ceaselessly. He loves you more than our human minds can understand. I am so grateful for that! Whatever difficulty you are walking through right now has a purpose. God will bring something good from it- what you are walking through or your life’s circumstance may not be good, but God will redeem your suffering, while refining you to be more like him and He will prove himself faithful to walk through that with you.

I have to have blood work done before my appointments to check for cancer markers. My veins are sadly destroyed from the chemo and do not take kindly to being pricked. They like to not cooperate. I prayed sitting in the lobby area of MD Anderson that someone would be able to get it on the first try and not turn my poor arm into a pin cushion; this hasn’t happened the last couple of times sadly. I hadn’t seen my favorite phlebotomist in a long time but was secretly hoping I would that day. As I was looking out over the garden, I hear “Mrs. Fry come on down.” There stood my favorite phlebotomist waiting on me! She said she saw my name on the board and ran to grab my chart before anyone else could. She said that she had been praying for me and I had been on her mind over the last couple of months. Wow- thank you GOD! Who am I that just one of hundreds of patients she sees in a week that she would think of and pray for me? How humbling! I feel the same humbleness every time one of you tell me you are praying for me, for us. It means so much to me!

Scan day was uneventful as it could be- 2 bottles of contrast and IV contrast and then a CT scan. Praise God the lady working that day is a great IV starter and she was able to get my IV on the first try. I’m not sure if you have ever had to have 2 types of contrast for a CT scan before, but man do I feel all shades of green afterwards. I am so thankful for Saturday scans that allow me to rest afterwards, but that means longer wait times for scan results. Sunday morning worship service was tough but in a good way. God was speaking so loudly to me that I can trust Him. These scan appointments aren’t just difficult for me, but they are difficult for my family as well. I looked over at Makaila during a song about the goodness of God and my not-a-crier child had crocodile tears rolling down her face. What a reminder that God speaks peace over my children as well. What gratefulness I have!

My oncologist called today to move up my appointment. I told myself it wasn’t because something was wrong, but that it was cold and he wanted to go home early. Craig and I prayed before we went in as we always do. I wasn’t in a room long before the oncologist came in. My cancer markers are still really low which is absolutely amazing! My CT scan looked great except for a small area on my liver that they want to rescan to be sure it isn’t anything to be concerned about. It appears to be a fat deposit (thanks I’m sure to my COVID-19 15 and way too may sweet things). I will be having an MRI on the 9th (the same day as my brain MRI and brain doc appointments) to verify. I am so grateful for all of your continued prayers for me and my family. Would you please continue to lift us up and pray that this spot on my liver isn’t something to be overly concerned about? We would be so grateful!

I pray that in Christ you will find the strength you need to face whatever difficulty you may be walking through, that your pain will have a purpose, and that God will bring you beauty for your ashes. If you need someone to talk with or pray alongside you, Craig and I are always here and would love to pray with you. Thank you friends for continuing to take us to the feet of Jesus. We are so humbled by your love and care for us!