Persevering

Perseverance. Man, it’s so hard to keep on keeping on when life gets hard. Our innate drive sometimes eggs us on to throw in the little white towel, cry uncle, and just give up. It’s something I’ve been struggling with lately because life is hard and often heavy. It doesn’t take but a few moments to scroll on your social media account to see how much suffering and difficulty those you know are currently walking through. No one wants hard to be a part of their story or if it has to be, then just not too hard or for too long.

God reminded me about some things concerning perseverance today, through my children. My girls have walked a tough road over the last few years- losing their uncle Jeff and realizing that you can lose a parent/someone you love in the blink of an eye, going to new schools with zero friends, their mom getting diagnosed with cancer and the gripping fear of their mom not making it followed by long hospital stays every other week and being shuffled around the family and our close friends, selling the only home they’ve ever known, living with family while building a house, being cut from teams they desperately wanted to make all while trying to maintain good grades and stay involved in things they love. Their confidence has taken a beating and their certainty about life doesn’t look like it once did. Scan appointments bring fear to them just like they do to me and sometimes I forget that we all live in between those moments, but life pauses when one comes near. A scare this week reminded me of that when Ava was in the car when my oncologist called.

Through it all, our girls have persevered so beautifully, but not without scars- some that others don’t see and some they do see but fail to acknowledge because it’s awkward or too hard for them. They look so great on the outside most of the time that you can’t see what lurks behind their smiles. I suppose that could be said about all of us, we hide our pain behind our smiles.

I’ve learned a lot since October 5, 2018, (and honestly since March 15, 2018) and the importance of things in life and raising our girls. What is most important is this- that my girls have tried and done hard things despite the unknown outcome, that they congratulated those that beat them/win even if they have tears in their eyes, that their character displayed oftentimes through sportsmanship shines through every time not just when it’s easy and they’re the winners, that they pick themselves up, dust themselves off and decide which direction they’ll go next all while seeking God’s will and displaying Jesus as much as possible to those around them. Do they get it right every time? Nope, but they’d not be human if they did. As their parents, Craig and I don’t seek perfection from them. We ask that they learn from their mistakes. God expects no less from us.

Countless number of times I’ve sat across from my desk counseling students whose resiliency skills aren’t what they need them to be when dealing with the trials they are facing at the moment. It takes everything within me to let my daughters try things that I know will lead them to disappointment and heartache. I’d love nothing more than to be the lawnmower parent who clears the way for them and makes sure the path is smooth and obstacle-free. However, that wouldn’t be ideal in the long-run, would it? They won’t have the grit, resiliency, and refinement needed to face future disappointments and trials. They’d crumble under the faintest of tribulations. God does no less for us. It’s through our trials that He refines us. Oftentimes we find ourselves begging God to remove the obstacles and clear the path. But, it’s in our pain that we can feel His presence in a way that smooth sailing and walking on the peeks of mountains will never provide. We may not always see the purpose of the valley, but God uses them to mold and shape us to be more like Him and to deepen our faith.

There is a song, You Alone performed by Lauren Daigle, that I may have shared before but it is one that I love and God speaks powerfully to me every time I hear it. The lyrics resonate with me.

Here are some of them:

“When this life has overwhelmed me, and I feel like givin’ up

I will cling to all You’ve promised, it will always be enough

When the world around me crumbles, and it’s hard to understand

I will run to You my shelter, I am safe within Your hands

Oh, You are my help forever

I will not fear, God, You are with me

I know You’re near, You’ll never leave me

I will trust in You alone

When I’m broken into silence, I can hear You whispering

“You’re not alone here in these trials, I will hold you faithfully

“Oh, You are my help forever

I will not fear, God, You are with me

I know You’re near, You’ll never leave me

I will trust in You alone

And when my heart and strength have failed me

My God, You won’t, Your name is mighty

I will trust in You alone

Oh, You are a fortress for the weak

The strength that carries me, when I am on my knees

The cross reminds my heart to trust

Your faithfulness and love will always be enough”

I’m so grateful that when all is uncertain in my world, my God is absolutely not! The cross has taught me that I can trust Him even when I’m afraid and can’t see where the new path is leading me.

What does the Bible say about perseverance? Romans 5:3-5 tells us: “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. “Galatians 6:9 tells us:“ And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. And James 1:2-4 states: “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”‭‭

How encouraging that no matter what hardship you are currently facing, perseverance will produce endurance, character, and eventually reward. I struggle with the do not grow weary part, how about you?

Do Not Grow Weary?

My back has been bothering me in a concentrated spot for a over a month. I’ve been terrified to call to inquire about it or get it looked at. Not smart as a cancer survivor, I know. I finally got up enough nerve to call and see if my latest scans showed my spine, only to have the office be closed for the day. So, wait another 24 hours I did. I almost waited too late to catch anyone again, but Friday I left a message for my oncologist with his nurse since he was already gone for the day.

We had an exhausting, elated, and devastating weekend. One daughter had a dream realized, while the other’s were dashed. In the back of my head the entire weekend was a constant reminder that something could rip the rug out from underneath them with my health again and I that I might not be here scream in excitement with them or dry their tears and help them get back up. I try hard to not allow every ache to send me knocking on the “it’s cancer” door. I was in a meeting on Monday when MD Anderson showed up on my phone’s caller ID. I could barely stand and it felt like someone sucked the oxygen from the room. I explained I needed to take the call and excused myself. The nurse explained that my oncologist looked over the last year of my scans and nothing had been suspicious or showed malignancy around my spine region. My legs instantly turned to Jello and the relief was like a flood over my being. Your cancer journey doesn’t end with the ringing of the bell. Scans, aches that seem unexplainable, moments that bring it all back are something that we continue with on our life-long journey. God reminds me daily that being steadfast in my faith and to continue to persevere. Some days that is easier than others.

I’m beyond grateful that they were clear and nothing was missed. The relief rolled out of Ava’s eyes tracing down her cheeks as she heard a one-sided conversation about it all later that evening. I’m grateful I get to be here for their hard that’s character building, for the crazy, insane schedule that we keep while they make memories, and try to desperately hang onto every second that seems to be speeding like an Amtrak toward their independence as adults.

There are so many within our circle who are waking through the hard right now. I’m not sure where this post finds you tonight, but I hope you will feel God’s tangible presence and know that you are not alone. You may not understand how God could redeem your suffering, but His word tells us that He will. Your life may be at the beginning of a new chapter, one you never would have written for yourself. I pray that you’ll feel God beside you, with you. God has a purpose for your pain and I pray that your mountain top is right around the bend. Persevere my dear friend, because God is with you, even if you’re standing all alone. He will never fail you. I’ll be praying and seeking to persevere along with you. If you need a shoulder, and ear, or a hand to hold while you navigate the hard, I’d be honored to be there, praying you through and I ask that you’d pray for me as I navigate it as well. There are so many that are on my heart lately- those that have lost loved ones, fighting severe cases of COVID, liver transplants, diagnosed with cancer, etc. Please lift up these individuals as well- God knows their names and situations intimately. I also also ask that you lift up my precious, beautiful daughters; I don’t ask for prayer for them nearly enough. I truly believe that God has great plans for their lives, sometimes it just looks differently than they may have anticipated or takes longer to reach their goals. I’m grateful for their amazing outlook and strength that they possess at such a young age- they are a great example to me of steadfastness. I’m praying that God will use the example of my girls when I just want to quit to remind me that God will renew my strength. Also, please pray specifically for Ava and her health. We have several specialty appointments and bloodwork upcoming to find out what may be going on with our girl.

He will do the same for you, my friends.